Grief is an intense feeling of sadness often associated with someone’s death. However, grief can also be experienced after divorce, losing a job or any other loss that impacts your life. Understanding grief, common symptoms and healthy coping methods is vital to staying emotionally healthy, even during the most challenging times.
What is cumulative grief?
Cumulative grief is when you experience one loss right after another. Some examples include:
Losing several close friends or relatives within a short period of time (i.e. during COVID, mass shooting, car accident or home fire)
Getting divorced and having to move from your home
Being laid off from work after a pet has died
Simultaneously grieving multiple losses makes the process difficult and complex in unexpected ways.
Common symptoms
If you are experiencing cumulative grief, you may experience the symptoms below. Note that this is not an exhaustive list; you may experience grief differently.
Shock or denial
Anger
Anxiety
Numbness
Changes in sleeping patterns or eating habits
Changes in appetite
Depression
Feeling stressed
Engaging in distractions
Increased alcohol or substance use
Inability to feel pleasure
Work performance issues
Preoccupation with death
How is cumulative grief different from collective grief?
While cumulative grief and collective grief may sound similar, they are two different types of grief. Cumulative grief is when you lose someone or something back-to-back. Collective grief is when something devastating happens within your community. For example, mass shootings, school violence, natural disasters, civil war and religious groups splitting can cause you to grieve, even if you don’t know anyone involved.
Ways to cope with cumulative grief
Because cumulative grief deals with more than one loss at a time, it can be challenging to process your emotions around each one. Still, it’s important to separate each incident and spend time learning to cope. Here are a few strategies you can use to help come to terms.
Prioritize basic needs. Getting good sleep, regularly eating, practicing good hygiene and engaging in physical activity is essential. However, don’t be afraid to go back to bed if you feel sleepy, snack if you can't eat a full meal and walk around the block if you are unable to do anything else.
Acknowledge grief. It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve. This can be difficult because giving yourself time often involves sitting with the pain and allowing yourself to feel it. However, doing so will ease it in the long run (though it won’t likely go away completely) and allow you to move on. When ignored or pushed aside, grief can cause other issues later.
Mindfulness. Mindfulness practices can help you stay in the present moment. Anxiety about the future isn’t uncommon after a loss. Take a deep breath and remind yourself where you are and that you are safe.
Write it out. The physical practice of writing things down helps you manage your thoughts. Consider starting a journal or writing in a diary.
Focus on one loss at a time. When coping with multiple losses, figuring out which heartache to focus on can be difficult. Schedule some time for each loss and allow yourself to feel your emotions about that one loss for the allotted amount of time.
Join support groups. Community is vital for easing feelings of grief. Support groups can help you feel less alone. Helping others in the group can also give you a sense of purpose.
Reach out to a therapist. Therapists are trained to help you cope with loss by teaching you healthy ways of moving forward. Mental illness after a loss is not uncommon. Speak with a professional if you think you may be experiencing depression or if you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
